How my daughter saved me

My daughter is my saving grace and my main source of happiness because of her I am able to experience REAL, TRUE, AND GENUINE LOVE! 

Often times I reflect back on my life and I always wonder how my life would be if I didn’t have her and I can’t seem to find a good answer or even a good thought when it comes to that. Although it took me a long time to realize the good out of such a fast, scary, and unplanned situation I finally see the light in everything. Before when I first found out I had PPD I struggled so badly with having good thoughts when it came to my daughter, I had too many moments where I was dwelling on all of the bad and all I could think about was my old life, wanting that life back so badly. At one point I was drowning so badly that I couldn’t even look at my own daughter and be happy because I was that blind, my mind was so far gone at that point.  It took a lot to drag me out of that deep hole but with A LOT of prayer, guidance, and support from my family and friends I started to find my balance little by little. People say “if you change your way of thinking, it can change your life” which is such a true statement because that was exactly what happened with me, it had to happen but I will say this…. It wasn’t easy at all. 

Being a mom is the most attractive thing about me, I’m raising my child the best way I know how, I have a great job that I can honestly make a career out of, I am in school, I am a woman of God and have strong faith. If you ask me I’ve been holding it together pretty damn well!! It’s about time I acknowledge that myself and not let these negative people take that away from me. My daughter fulfills my life and she put so much together for me and I don’t think anybody will truly understand that. 

Sure I am a single mom and this is not the most ideal situation as people would say but what is an ideal situation? This will be different for everybody but I am still trying to figure that out and that’s okay. If it wasn’t for her I would still be out every single night drunk at every club downtown, having a job just to have one, walking around here with NO type of purpose. Once I found out I was pregnant my whole entire mindset changed for the better and I can’t thank God enough for trusting me with Avianna because she is a true gift from up above. My daughter gave me drive and she gave me purpose in this life, she also filled this void that I had in my  life and gave me this CRAZY motivation to do better in life. I became a very different person but at the same stayed the same, when I say different I mean in a good way, it was honestly almost like magic how things dramatically changed with me – I became better at decision making, I became much more responsible, I found it within myself to go back to school, I started to manage my finances better, and I started giving people/things in my life an expiration date which was something I struggled with very badly before because I just didn’t know how or I didn’t see a reason to. She pushed me to cut those toxic people out of my life because I didn’t want that for her and I didn’t want to be that settling example for her. It’s almost like she forces me to be happy, give off good energy, and spread love because that’s honestly what life is about.. it’s the cycle of life.

Before Avianna I was honestly so lost and I can’t say that enough, she forced me to grow up and be who I am today. I’ve never been so proud of myself, looking back on my life and seeing how far I came but to look forward is the more exciting part of it all. Being a mom isn’t easy period, it’s an everyday challenge and there’s no manual that I can go to for instructions or guidance on how to mother my child.

Avianna is my biggest blessing and my biggest accomplishment, I will allow her to always be my light. 

Love,

A single mother 

I’m baccckkkkkkkkk

Omg! Hi Guys! It’s been awhile.. a pretty long while actually. I promise that won’t happen again but LIFE got to me and it’s honestly been crazy. The only thing in life that is constant is change which is so true because nothing that I do in my life stays the same, I almost feel as if it’s impossible for me to keep up with a steady routine.

SO WHERE HAVE I BEEN????

Nowhere exciting! LOL I’ve been at work and at home on Mommy Duty, also still in school but I’ve cut down to part time because the load is lighter which works better for my life at this time. I’ve switched job positions which required me to switch hours to second shift and I’m honesty STILL trying to adjust, some days I feel as if it works great and others I’m screaming on the inside wishing I worked my old hours (8-4:30) like a normal person. I got really busy with everyday life and I’m also trying to get skinny/lose this baby weight which is the ultimate challenge that I’m still trying to get down. Eating healthy is a huge huge challenge for me and I can’t stress that enough,  on another note I’m trying to create structure around my crazy/inconsistent schedule is also another challenge itself. I’m also in the middle of trying to figure out exactly what I want to do in life, I’ve been having a lot of those thoughts lately but don’t get me wrong because I love my job but I know I’m destined for MORE.

I  have some new ideas for my blog that I can’t wait to start putting up… let’s just say I’m investing in a camera!!!! 🙂

So now that we are all caught up let’s get to the REAL GOOD stuff. Even though I haven’t been blogging much I’ve always kept a list in my phone or in my journal of things that I want to blog about. So here’s what you can look forward to:

(Keep in mind that the title may change but these are just things that I will touch base on/talk about at some point in the next upcoming blogs)

– WORKING AT A HOSPITAL

– CAREER/MAJOR CHANGE

– WANTING MORE IN LIFE

– DATING AS A SINGLE MOM/LONG DISTANCE/LOVE LIFE?

– ENDING AN IMPORTANT CHAPTER IN MY LIFE

– NEW BEGINNINGS ARE POSSIBLE

– MOTHERHOOD

– Q&A

…. AND MUCH MORE 🙂

peace and love,

Tarin