Last year around this time and many times before I felt as if my life was over, I felt like I was in a constant battle with myself and I could never win no matter how hard I tried. So often I felt depressed and I just couldn’t see that light at the end of the tunnel like everybody else could. I remember myself trying to blame others for my decisions or getting angry at God for not giving me the life that I want and I kept hitting a wall literally, at this point I just knew something had to change, actually A LOT had to change in order for me to turn things around. I’ve realized quick that I am the reason my life was that way and only I had the power to change it, I kept telling myself that over and over again until I truly understood that it was my fault. I started to really dig and think about what I can do to fix it and make me feel better about myself and my life, I came to the conclusion that I could start by getting rid of pointless “situationships” giving myself to people that don’t deserve me, my surroundings was a huge one as well, and I wanted to get closer to God. I know deep in my heart that God is more than capable of giving me a life that I want but I have to want that for myself, I have to believe that and speak good things over my life. I started setting small goals for myself and I failed really bad at the beginning of this because I just did it, did it because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Everyday we face another trial and another battle but I got more confident that I was going to get through, and my answer to just about everything is God. If I start to worry about how I’m going to get through something or handle something I look up to God and ask him to guide me and he does every single time.
I truly want to THANK everybody that hurt me, lied to me, made me cry, cheated on me, turned their back on me, left me, didn’t choose me, and so on…..
If it wasn’t for y’all I wouldn’t be where I am today so thank you for that experience because I now take them all as a lesson. Every single situation I encounter in life I make sure to take something from it and I make sure it’s something positive. I can honestly truly say that I am so much wiser now and I make smarter decisions, I grew up and I’m better. Before I really didn’t know how to be alone, I felt like I always had to be in a situation/relation with someone or out in the fast life until I truly took the time to myself and learned that I know how to be alone, I went months and months without being involved with no-one at all like AT ALL. After the life changing experience that happened to me with the birth of my child and my child’s father, I had to find myself and piece myself back together. That whole situation had me in such dark place to the point where I felt like I wasn’t going to make it out but I used God as my light and he guided me out. Now I look back on everything in a different perspective, I truly see why things happened the way they did.
Just when I thought my life was over God was there to save me, he saved me from my own thoughts. When I thought it was impossible to get out of certain situations he found a way for me to do so, all I had to do was pay attention to the signs and follow accordingly. God was there the whole entire time and I didn’t even realize it, every day I pray for peace and clarity. My point is – don’t ever feel like you can’t because you can and if you did all that you can do then God will do what you can’t. Often times we go into situations really blinded and we get our minds all twisted because we’re trying to figure it all out on our own (me everyday of my life) but we forget that some situations we just have no control over, sometimes you have to let it go and give it all to God, see this is where your faith kicks in. The battle may be big or it may be small but regardless we always have that option to ask him to guide us through and he surely will. I felt like I was broken, I lost myself, and so down to where I felt like getting up was impossible but nope that’s not what God wants for me.
I’ve been so good at paying attention to the signs that God gives me on a daily basis. Even though I am a single mother, I don’t have the ideal family, I’m tired all of the time, and I don’t have much time to myself I’ve realized that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. THIS IS MY LIFE AND I LOVE IT!!!! God restored me, those bad trials happened to me because I had to get through them to get to this point. Everything I do I do with purpose behind it and that’s what counts day in and day out, that’s the difference. Sure I still have many things that I struggle with, like me having to go to court in March for example at first I couldn’t sleep because I was up thinking about it and trying to make a plan but quickly realized I can’t fight this battle on my own, I told myself that I won’t let this consume my life and I am going to give it to God because I’ve been the best ME I can be and I’ve done all I can do so it’s his turn. I have to remember that it’s his plan over mine but I let him know my struggles, my worries and my concerns – it’s something I pray on non stop because this is reality and it’s happening but God knows best and he already has a plan, I will trust that over the result I think is right. He knows my heart and I will forever keep my faith in him no matter how hard these life situations get.
Don’t give up on God because he won’t give up on you….
God will restore!!!!!