Life Reminders….

Life is beautiful, Life is complicated, Life is up and it’s down but ultimately Life is what you make it. Life is something that we have no control over, often times if you’re anything like me you’re jus taking things one day at a time because that’s the only way you know how to handle it. 

When bad things happen in our life we tend to forget every single thing that’s good in our life and I will speak for myself on this one because I do this very often. As I got older I found new ways to deal with the hard times that life brings and I’m still learning, I believe that it’s truly a trial and error process. Once something bad happens in your life you tend to think that it can’t or won’t get better, there’s NO looking at the brighter side or a good outcome because you are so stuck in that bad moment but those hard times and how you deal with them, how you figure things out and come out on top and not defeated is what’s going to help you grow. This is something that people struggle with on a day to day basis including myself because it is hard, see my thing is when a bad situation comes about I tend to freeze right in that moment and then my mind starts to race and I automatically TRY to control the whole entire situation and outcome when I have no control what so ever. I also tend to think of everything bad in my life, I let these negative thoughts overflow my mind and I start to sink and drown in those thoughts but as I stated earlier, once I got older I found ways to cope and deal with these bad situations that life puts you in or bad situations I sometimes put myself in. Such a trial and error process because the first idea or the second or third won’t always work but keep trying to figure it out.

Here are some ways that are helpful to me, I call them Life Reminders and I’m pretty much giving myself reassurance…

  • I write things down because sometimes my mind just becomes a bit much for me so I write or I type a note in my phone. 
  • I tell myself over and over again that this too shall pass and I will be okay ( to a point where I believe just that)
  • I talk to my mom because she is my outlet 
  • I have specific bookmarks in my bible that I will turn to and read 
  • I will PRAY and talk to God *** (helps me the absolute most) 
  • Breathing 

Those are just some things that I do to help me cope with those sudden bad/down times. I just want you all to remember that God is intentional and he makes NO mistakes no matter how bad the situation is, it’s in his will and apart of his plan for you. I have to reassure myself constantly that whatever is going on in my life I know God has a purpose for it, although none of it makes sense right now I have to know that it is in his hands and he will not fail me. God will make a way out of no way, so when you think you’re down and out with nothing left, with God you have everything and he will make it all possible when you thought getting out of a bad situation was impossible. You have to give thanks to him for the things that he has already done, the blessings he brought into your life, and the situations he led you out of. In bad situations and even the good ones pay attention to those signs that God gives you.

GOD IS INTENTIONAL

HE MAKES NO MISTAKES

YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND NOW BUT SOON YOU WILL

!!!!!!!!

Gods time.jpg

I encourage you all not to give up on God.

 

With Love,

T. 

Trying to find that balance

Often times do you feel overwhelmed? I do! I actually say to myself and to others that my life is in shambles, it’s like second nature but I’m actually being serious about that.

So if you read my other blogs you would know that I am a full time mother, a full time employee, and a full time student – it is honestly soooooooooooooo HARD! Sometimes I want to cry because there’s just not enough time in a day for everything. When I have to work a whole shift, have a lot of homework to do, and Avianna is in need of all of my attention it’s so tough and I know that not everything will get done which sucks. You have to be an expert with time and I’m going to be completely honest…. I suck with time and managing it but just like everybody else I have good days and bad days.

When I seek advice on how I can do better in all three areas everybody tells me to set some kind of schedule and I truly am in the process of trying but my work schedule is all types of crazy and it’s hard to create structure around that but I still manage some how some way. Sometimes I wish I had more time to focus on school and more time to be at home with my baby girl but another part of me is telling me to work hard and bust my ass so I can pave the way for my daughter.

So how do you really find balance? You know…. I don’t really have an answer to that. It really depends on what you define as “balance” because even thought my life is in shambles like I always say I still feel like for majority of the time I have a good balance in my life. There’s also not one specific thing or routine that works for me, it’s always different every single day I just wing it literally! It really comes down to what works for you and what doesn’t work you, but also to not let other people get to you by what they’re doing and the pace they’re going – that was my biggest mistake, I paid a lot of attention to this one particular mom and I admired her; it seemed like she had the calmest baby ever who always played with her when it was time to play and slept when it was bed time but she also had her baby on a very strict schedule/routine and I was so jealous. She also snapped back very fast and lost all of her baby weight and I’m just like HOW????? How the heck does she do it? She’s like super mom! I had to take a step back and realize some things such as she was a stay at home mom so of course she dedicates her time and energy into training sleeping patterns and good habits as she has the time to, she’s also married and has a fully committed partner to help her out while she goes and meet with her trainer. I had to stop beating myself up about certain things and really accept that this is my life and I have to love it! It’s constant, it’s busy, it’s crazy, it’s inconsistent, it’s up and it’s down but I still love it and I am still very proud of myself – proud of what I do.

So honestly, there is no true balance for me, one thing that does really help me get through my day is writing things down or putting little alarms on my phone. I sometimes even use sticky notes and stick them on the back of my phone to remember certain things, it works for me so figure out what works for you. It’s always a great thing to look up to people, give other compliments, or even admire somebody BUT you can’t get caught up in their life and their path because you’re on your own. 🙂

I used to question everything I was doing because I didn’t think doing any of this was possible. It’s hard to make time for everything but that’s when my faith kicks in, I have to believe in God and truly believe that all things are possible, but most importantly I had to believe in myself and program in my mind that I can do it…. I can do it ALL!!! Everything takes time but do what works for you and don’t ever give up because there’s always a way. I say this saying soooooo much on my Twitter and even to others but it’s so true “If you change your mindset it can and WILL change your life”.

With love,

T.

 

God will restore

Last year around this time and many times before I felt as if my life was over, I felt like I was in a constant battle with myself and I could never win no matter how hard I tried. So often I felt depressed and I just couldn’t see that light at the end of the tunnel like everybody else could. I remember myself trying to blame others for my decisions or getting angry at God for not giving me the life that I want and I kept hitting a wall literally, at this point I just knew something had to change, actually A LOT had to change in order for me to turn things around. I’ve realized quick that I am the reason my life was that way and only I had the power to change it, I kept telling myself that over and over again until I truly understood that it was my fault. I started to really dig and think about what I can do to fix it and make me feel better about myself and my life, I came to the conclusion that I could start by getting rid of pointless “situationships” giving myself to people that don’t deserve me, my surroundings was a huge one as well, and I wanted to get closer to God. I know deep in my heart that God is more than capable of giving me a life that I want but I have to want that for myself, I have to believe that and speak good things over my life. I started setting small goals for myself and I failed really bad at the beginning of this because I just did it, did it because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Everyday we face another trial and another battle but I got more confident that I was going to get through, and my answer to just about everything is God. If I start to worry about how I’m going to get through something or handle something I look up to God and ask him to guide me and he does every single time. 

I truly want to THANK everybody that hurt me, lied to me, made me cry, cheated on me, turned their back on me, left me, didn’t choose me, and so on….. 

If it wasn’t for y’all I wouldn’t be where I am today so thank you for that experience because I now take them all as a lesson. Every single situation I encounter in life I make sure to take something from it and I make sure it’s something positive. I can honestly truly say that I am so much wiser now and I make smarter decisions, I grew up and I’m better. Before I really didn’t know how to be alone, I felt like I always had to be in a situation/relation with someone or out in the fast life until I truly took the time to myself and learned that I know how to be alone, I went months and months without being involved with no-one at all like AT ALL. After the life changing experience that happened to me with the birth of my child and my child’s father, I had to find myself and piece myself back together. That whole situation had me in such  dark place to the point where I felt like I wasn’t going to make it out but I used God as my light and he guided me out. Now I look back on everything in a different perspective, I truly see why things happened the way they did. 

Just when I thought my life was over God was there to save me, he saved me from my own thoughts. When I thought it was impossible to get out of certain situations he found a way for me to do so, all I had to do was pay attention to the signs and follow accordingly. God was there the whole entire time and I didn’t even realize it, every day I pray for peace and clarity. My point is – don’t ever feel like you can’t because you can and if you did all that you can do then God will do what you can’t. Often times we go into situations really blinded and we get our minds all twisted because we’re trying to figure it all out on our own (me everyday of my life) but we forget that some situations we just have no control over, sometimes you have to let it go and give it all to God, see this is where your faith kicks in. The battle may be big or it may be small but regardless we always have that option to ask him to guide us through and he surely will. I felt like I was broken, I lost myself, and so down to where I felt like getting up was impossible but nope that’s not what God wants for me. 

I’ve been so good at paying attention to the signs that God gives me on a daily basis. Even though I am a single mother, I don’t have the ideal family, I’m tired all of the time, and I don’t have much time to myself I’ve realized that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. THIS IS MY LIFE AND I LOVE IT!!!! God restored me, those bad trials happened to me because I had to get through them to get to this point. Everything I do I do with purpose behind it and that’s what counts day in and day out, that’s the difference. Sure I still have many things that I struggle with, like me having to go to court in March for example at first I couldn’t sleep because I was up thinking about it and trying to make a plan but quickly realized I can’t fight this battle on my own, I told myself that I won’t let this consume my life and I am going to give it to God because I’ve been the best ME I can be and I’ve done all I can do so it’s his turn. I have to remember that it’s his plan over mine but I let him know my struggles, my worries and my concerns – it’s something I pray on non stop because this is reality and it’s happening  but God knows best and he already has a plan, I will trust that over the result I think is right. He knows my heart and I will forever keep my faith in him no matter how hard these life situations get.

 

Don’t give up on God because he won’t give up on you….

 

God will restore!!!!!

 

With love,

T.

To all of my single moms

Regardless of what your situation is and how you became a single mom or if you started off as one . . . . 

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK !!!!!! 

It took me a long time to realize that I can’t be so hard on myself, especially when it’s only me 24/7 to do everything necessary for my baby girl. I realized that I will always feel down if I don’t ever stop and appreciate things for what they are in that moment. I had this bad habit of picking on myself, I would sit there and think about all of the things that I may be doing wrong or if I’m doing enough in my life for me and my daughter when in reality I am doing the best that I can which I know but sometimes I can’t give myself credit. It’s truly trial and error but everyday I get better and better with it. 

So here’s my message – 

Don’t be too hard only yourself because you are doing an amazing job. It’s not easy trying to take care of a child, not mentally, not physically, and definitely not financially. We get no breaks because when our babies are ready to play we have to play, when they want to eat we have to feed them, and when they sleep half of the time we can’t shut down to sleep with them. I want you all to put your trust and faith into God because that’s who got me through, when I felt like I was alone and broken he restored me again. We have a very hard job but in order to take care of our little one we have to take care of ourselves first and put ourselves in the best position possible to care for out them, it’s necessary. Often times we get down because we feel like we are not doing enough when we are doing above and beyond that! No matter how hard things get please don’t ever give up because things will get better and it may take time but they will. Once you start taking care of business, things will fall into place and you won’t even realize it. I also know that as a mom we struggle with many different things but just know that it’s OKAY to give yourself a break, to go have some time to yourself because we all need it. Often times we feel left out of the world because we have a big job and it may seem like life is passing us by but it’s not, life is right there with your baby and you have to find beauty in that. I see y’all, I hear y’all, and I’m with y’all…. everyday we face a new battle and a new struggle but that’s what makes us so strong. We are truly built for this because if we weren’t, God wouldn’t put us in this position in first place so remember that where he guide he will always provide. Sure we don’t have the freedom like we used to because our hands are so tied but look at your baby and tell me that the amount of love and joy that fills your heart isn’t the most amazing thing ever. Don’t ever give up because you can do this, mama! 

10 toes down, chin up. 

with love,

T.

my life now….

I can’t really find one word to describe how my life is right now but it’s definitely busy and constant. I’m either at work, tending to school, or with my baby girl – you can only imagine what goes through my head all day and I actually say “my life is in shambles” at least 10x a day. HA! I have a lot on my plate and often times I start my day not really knowing how I am going to make it through. Some days I feel like I can take on the world and other days I feel like I have the whole entire world on my back and I question what I am doing. Just like everybody else I get drained and exhausted, sometimes life really does take a toll on me and I start to lose my faith, I also sometimes forget WHY I’m doing what I am doing. I feel as if so many people struggle with trying to figure out their “WHY” and also their purpose in life and that was actually me a year ago before I had my daughter but when I say she changed everything she truly did. 

My life now is busy but it’s better than it’s ever been and I can genuinely say that. God blessed me with something that not everybody has, this type of love that I can’t even begin to explain. It warms my heart everyday to know that I was worthy enough to be Avianna’s mommy. My days with her are sometimes hard and some are very easy going, once I feel like I mastered something another thing comes up that I have to some how figure out. I realized that it’s going to be trial and error because certain things work and sometimes you have to try many things to see what really works which can be frustrating.

Trying to find a balance…… 

It’s so hard to try and find that balance between being a mother, a student, a full time employee, and also trying to find some time for myself. I find myself wishing days were longer so I can fit everything in but it doesn’t always happen like that, well it never happens like that actually. I had to just accept that I am not always going to have time for everything and that’s okay, some days I fall short but overall I always manage to get the job done. I don’t think there really is a balance, I think you just do what you’re supposed to do and everything will turn out fine but just like everything in life things will get difficult and you will get frustrated but in time I’ve learned how to deal with those down times much better.

My life now is honestly great, it’s also very tough but overall so rewarding. When I look at my daughter I can’t help but get emotional because I DID THAT, I survived the 9 months of pregnancy, I survived that c section and recovery, and I am doing everything necessary to make sure she has a great life and also paving the way for my little girl… setting that example. 

I decided to share some pictures (from my pregnancy to now) 

There’s truly beauty in every struggle…. 

with love,

T. 

How I overcame postpartum depression

At the beginning of all of this, I felt lonely and alone more than I ever did in my entire life. I kept feeling like there was this void missing and nothing was filling it for me but the thought of my baby girl did. I was still trying to accept the fact that I wasn’t going to have the perfect little family and I was also struggling to find happiness within myself. It was an everyday battle with my mind/thoughts and trying to overcome that wasn’t easy at all. Everyday came a new fight, a new hurdle to overcome and the ONLY way I got through was because of God, he heard me crying out to him. Getting through my pregnancy was actually the easy part, although there were many challenges I faced everyday I was still able to find the strength to get through, I was still able to recognize my blessing and carry on. Often times I felt very bipolar and it was a struggle to keep a positive mindset because it would change every 5 minutes LITERALLY.

After I had my baby is when everything really hit me HARD. When I was I pregnant I obviously knew that my life was going to change but man… nobody prepared me for this. The emotions that I was feeling everyday was just insane and I couldn’t control it this time around. I was in recovery mode and it made me so sad that I couldn’t care for my child the way that I wanted to. I had to sacrifice many trips with my friends because I wasn’t able to just get up and go anymore which I knew while I was pregnant but when the time came and I had to actually cancel my ticket (no refund back), tell my friends that I can’t go anymore, and then sit back and watch them was so depressing. To watch everybody life around me go on while I felt like my life just stopped  was a terrible feeling. I remember when I first came home with her, I just looked at her with this blank face because I felt like it was her fault that my life was like this and she was the reason that I feel this sad and mad! I knew this wasn’t good so I continued to pray to God, to please get me out of this dark place because when you’re in a dark place and can’t get out… the story doesn’t end too well. I remember filling out those postpartum questionaries that the doctor would give me at every appointment and my answers were very honest but I failed, I was most definitely diagnosed with postpartum depression. I called on God first and I made sure I continued to keep him at the center of my life, but I also tried to seek professional help with a therapist to see if that would help but I kept missing the appointments because my life was in complete shambles. MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE CHANGED and I did not know what to do with myself, everyday I realized another thing that I just could not do anymore.

My mind was so clogged up with negativity that it was in the way of the blessing that I had with me everyday which was my daughter. I talked to God everyday to help me because I want to be the best mother that I can be to my little girl. I remember I used to cry when Avianna cried, I remember crying because my incision hurt so bad, I remember crying because she wouldn’t sleep, I remember crying when it took hard work to put her to sleep and she wakes up in 20 minutes. It was awful for me when we first came home, a complete nightmare that I couldn’t escape. I used to get anxiety at night time because it was just me and Avianna, nobody else to help me and that made me wish for longer days.

While my life is in complete shambles I am trying to figure out what i’m going to do about my job. I either had to quit and be a stay at home because I just couldn’t afford daycare or do I some how try and keep my job. At this point I felt like I had the entire world on my back, I was scared that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to support my child financially the way that I want to. Once again, nobody in this world can help me with these type of problems so I talked to God and I had to give my problems to him. I had zero energy to worry about this anymore because it was taking over my life an then one day everything came together. My supervisor called me to check up on me and I was very upfront with the situation I was in and she was also very understanding. She told me to try my best to just get back once my maternity leave is over and once I do I can start looking for internal positions elsewhere that offers second and third shift so I didn’t have to pay for daycare. Luckily, my cousin was able to watch her for a couple months while I applied for other positions which I did. God was telling me not to give up and once I gave my problems to him he showed out for me – I applied for a position at the hospital and God willing, I got the position!!

I suffered postpartum depression pretty badly but nobody really knew besides the people close to me. The sad status, the sad snapchats, quotes, etc was my cry for help to the world but I was looking for help in the wrong place. I got to a point where I was willing to sacrifice it ALL because I thought my life was that bad when it was far from it. I continued to pray about it, I talked to God about it, and I also was more open about how depressed and sad I was to my friends/family which made my heart a lot lighter. Nobody helped me get out of that place but God, nobody saved me from doing something stupid but GOD I promise y’all. I had to truly change my entire mindset to get myself out of that dark place, I had to speak good things over my life but most importantly I had to keep God at the center of my life and I felt like the old me again.

I look at my daughter and I am just amazed at the unexplainable love I feel when our eyes lock. I can’t believe that I even had those negative thoughts but the devil was really at work. I’m glad I came to my senses and realized how blessed I am and that yes, my life is definitely different but it is a good different. God gave me a child to slow me down and to turn my life around, I truly believe that. I had a hard time accepting all of the changes that I was going through but I had to take things one day at a time because i’m only human. Once I started speaking positive things over my life, once I started to declare what was mine like a way out, my job, happiness, and peace…. I got just that all glory to God.

A lot of people think that postpartum is not real but it is and it should not be a light subject. So often I hear people taking their own life because of it and they call it the silent killer because usually nobody really knows when someone is diagnosed with PP. Take time to reach out to those moms and genuinely ask them how they are doing because I promise you it will make all of the difference.

God got me through and he made all of these things possible for me, I honestly can’t thank him enough. Prayer is such a powerful thing.

Peace and Love,

T.