This is a question I tend to ask myself A LOT believe it or not.
I always knew that being a mom wasn’t going to be easy physically or mentally but boy was I in for a surprise. My daughter is now almost one and I still struggle a lot with this whole motherhood thing. I used to have bad anxiety about bringing her out in public by myself, I felt as if I always needed someone there with me to assist with certain things like sitting in the backseat with her or holding the diaper bag and so on. I guess that’s where my patience and understanding came in because I am able to go out with just my daughter and I now, although getting her in and out of the car and into her car seat is such a process but I just do it and I honestly feel like I can take on the whole world afterwards. LOL! I’m slowly but surely starting to see the joy in motherhood and I’m exploring these different things on my own and on my own time.
Lately I’ve been struggling though, with how society looks at me, how my family looks at me and how my friends look at me. Paying attention to others and how they mother I see so many things that are similar and I see many things that are different. It’s such a touchy subject because in reality there’s no written book or manual on how to properly mother a child, everyday you learn something new and you just put your best foot forward.
Now I just would like to know….
Am I a bad mom for wanting to have a life too?
Am I a bad mom for asking someone to hold my child while I go use the restroom?
Am I bad mom for working full time?
Am I a bad mom for wanting a relationship?
Am I bad mom for wanting a break?
Am I a bad mom if I had postpartum depression?
Am I a bad mom for having a night out?
Am I a bad mom for allowing others to help me?
The list can go on forever….. Being a mother in our society today is tough because I feel like people have a certain image on how I should look as a mom, how I should talk, the things I should have, and so on. I’ve come to realize that no matter what you do or even what you don’t do people are always going to have something to say or disagree with and I’m learning how to be 100% okay with that. I spent a lot of my time looking at other moms and I started to think about how I could mold myself to be like them only to find out that made me even more unhappy. I felt pressured in a sense because I saw all of these babies who are younger than my daughter and they’ve seemed to explore the whole world and here I am super happy because I just took my daughter to the park for the first time. I’ve learned not to feel bad or be too hard on myself because I am trying and I am doing the best I can. I’ve had really bad anxiety with leaving the house alone with just her and I but I am over that and it makes me feel so free, sure it may have took me a long time but is there really even a time limit on these things?
Once you become a mother you become this selfless person who gives her ALL to this little human that you brought into this world which is true but that does not mean in no way, shape, or form that you just let go of yourself. In order to take care of our little ones we have to take care of ourselves first and that goes for any relationship you have in your life. People are so quick to judge which sucks but it is reality, if they see that you have a boyfriend they automatically think that he matters more than your child or if you go out that you care about yourself more than your child which is NOT true!!! At the end of each day you know how your priorities are set up and you also handle business to follow that. I’ve learned to block those kind of people out because there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving and enjoying yourself still. It is very possible to do things for yourself but also still put your child first, it’s all about finding that balance which is the tricky part because some days things seem to fit well and other days it all falls apart. (trial and error)
People tried to make me feel less of a person just because I’m a mom and that’s just bullshit! I just want to say this…. as a mom you are still deserving of everything good in life and you are still able to do whatever you put your mind to plus MORE. I do just as much as a person without a child so I will never understand why people would have the audacity to say that.
As a young mother I’ve learned that it is truly the most attractive thing about me, I am who I am today because I became a MOM – I am this strong, genuine, unbreakable, caring and loving individual.
Take care of YOU.