SEX SEX SEX, EVERYBODY JUST LOVES TO HAVE SEX!!! HA… until shit hits the fan.
I wish I would’ve practiced this a long time ago but hey, everything happens for a reason that’s why we have that option to learn from our lessons. Don’t you get tired of the pointless situationships? the guys that just want sex from you or you just wanting sex out of them? having sex with guys that don’t love you? going the extra mile for someone that didn’t belong to you? Yeah! I mean that stuff was getting old, I’m not scared to admit that I did go through that phase of just wanting to have “fun” and being careless because why not? Just until I started to realized I was getting emotionally attached to men that didn’t want nothing with me outside of a sexual relationship, I was lonely and oh so vulnerable so I just went with it up until I got pregnant (shit hitting the fan).
I always knew in the back of my mind that I could never find a man to commit to me doing what I was doing and living how I was living. The life I lived attracted the right kind of men into my life and I just knew I had to switch things up because like I said before, it all got old and played it. Now don’t think I was just out here messing with everybody and their daddy because that wasn’t the case at all. I always have this battle with my mind, it’s like I know these guys don’t want a relationship with me, I know this man is involved with other people so WHY???? well because I was lonely, I was emotionally attached, I was vulnerable, and honestly stupid. I’m a smart girl but for some reason the bad things always overrule what I really know and that’s because I wasn’t putting God first, I didn’t value myself, and I didn’t know what I was worth. Once you have those things in order life becomes much easier and you feel like nobody can touch you (they literally can’t).
Shortly into my pregnancy I’ve decided that I was going to practice celibacy and getting closer to God was already a goal of mine from before. Now mind you, I was pregnant and my hormones were off the chain, I was like horny ALLLLLLL of the time but couldn’t do much about it because what I valued and what I want for myself have to come first this time around. For some odd reason guys REALLY wanted to have sex with me and would be so blunt about it because I was pregnant which I thought was so weird and awkward. I got really picky with who I gave my time to and who I let into my life, although it took some time to get to this point I’m still learning but I’m much better than I was a year ago.
The real reason…….. I’m honestly just traumatized!!!! From pregnancy, having a child with a man that I don’t love, this court mess, and having that connection to someone you don’t care for FOREVER – y’all hear me… I AM TRAUMATIZED!!! The whole situation made me better because I definitely didn’t let it make me bitter. I came out so wise and if this didn’t happen, I probably never would’ve changed my life around for the better (LOOK AT GOD!!). The next person I lay down with will be the man that I am married to, I refuse to do what I used to do.
Sure I get tempted, sometimes I just wanna call up a guy and flirt, hang out, and do the nasty and be done with it but where will that get me? Nowhere, it’s just all a temporary feeling… I don’t want temporary. I’ll end up feeling like crap right after it all happens then I’m going to ask God to forgive me for something I shouldn’t have done in the first place and I knew that. I don’t want a sexual relationship because I am worth more than that, I deserve more than just that, and I am above that. When you lay down with these random men that you know are involved with other people, how does that truly make you feel? like shit probably and that’s when you have to stop yourself.
When I told people I was going this route everybody laughed at me literally and they also said “well, it’s clearly too late for that” – yeah, no, I definitely didn’t let that clog up my mind because I knew I was going the way that God wants me to go. It’s never too late for a new beginning, it’s never too late to make the necessary changes to make YOUR life better, and by knowing that it got me far. This goes back to what I was saying in my previous blog, you have to speak things into existence but also speak nothing but good things over your life and God will make it happen for you but meet him.
I feel so light and I’m so happy with myself, although there’s still so much room for growth but to know that each day I’m going in the path towards the life that I truly want is a great feeling. I am a mother first and foremost but I will be a wife one day, this life that we live, it cycles all around..
Not telling nobody to change their ways or nothing like that but life gets real and sometimes it’s not just all about fun. You truly have to find yourself, build on that, and hold onto your values. Learn how to be more careful with who you let into your life, separate the lifetime people from the seasonal people.
My message: Don’t ever settle, life is definitely too short to be in a unhappy situation. Don’t ever feel like you are stuck because you’re not, in life we all have choices……
I CHOOSE GOD
I CHOOSE ME
I CHOOSE VALUES
I CHOOSE HAPPINESS
I CHOOSE PEACE
I CHOOSE LOVE