Ahh, a lot of people have been wondering about this one. LOL !!
If you read my previous blogs you would know that we were never dating, it was just more of good company and a situationship. We were hanging out for about 3 months and I got pregnant and everything after that became a complete shit show to be honest. It was such a tough situation to deal with, so tough that I wouldn’t wish it upon nobody in this world.
I still struggle with accepting the fact that I was so vulnerable and EASY, I was so quick to give myself to someone that I had nothing established with. Not only that but I knew I was just another girl he was messing with, I KNEW there were other girls involved and I still laid down with that man. The reason why I’m being so blunt about it even though a lot of people will probably ask WHY, HOW, or tell me I’m stupid but I truly had to accept the whole entire truth of this situation and understand that it is my fault that things happened the way they did. I had to be completely honest with myself because that’s the only way I was able to move forward from all of it.
Question that I get a lot: Why are you not trying to make your family work?
Well here’s my thing, after praying so hard about this situation and every single time I tried to make something work God kept pulling me away. I now pay very close attention to the signs and I put action behind it because I refuse to make the same mistakes again. Family is about unconditional and genuine LOVE and I couldn’t get that with him which was completely OK with me. I accepted the fact that I would one day have a blended family of some sort and that was also okay with me because that’s just my reality. I’m not going to settle for a bad/toxic situation just because I have a child with him, my child will be okay. My mom is remarried to my step dad and he has never made me feel like a “step” child which must be tough but I never had to question the love, the love that my dad never gave me – it’s possible! Blended family works and it’s beautiful! I truly believe that God will bless me and Avianna with a loving man that will love me but also my daughter, a man that I deserve, a man that’s ready, and a man that follows God.
You guys are probably like but where’s the juicy stuff?? The drama?? HAHA! for the people that follow me on social media or maybe even him may have got bits and pieces but………
unfortunately due to legal reasons I can’t speak on details and speak on events that I truly want to speak on because it is apart of my story so for that I apologize. 😦
But I will say this … it’s kind of like watching a stranger play with your daughter or somebody you don’t even trust playing with your child and that sounds so damn dumb to say after I done laid down with him but there was a lot of things I did not know but it’s a start, it may be a sign of growth on both ends, I am trying.. Anyway – I pray for him and I pray over this situation every single day and night. I pray for peace and clarity over this entire thing for the sake of my child. I pray that God help him and guide him to be the best father he can be and that’s honestly all I can do.
With love and respect,