Am I a bad mom?

 

This is a question I tend to ask myself A LOT believe it or not.

I always knew that being a mom wasn’t going to be easy physically or mentally but boy was I in for a surprise. My daughter is now almost one and I still struggle a lot with this whole motherhood thing. I used to have bad anxiety about bringing her out in public by myself, I felt as if I always needed someone there with me to assist with certain things like sitting in the backseat with her or holding the diaper bag and so on. I guess that’s where my patience and understanding came in because I am able to go out with just my daughter and I now, although getting her in and out of the car and into her car seat is such a process but I just do it and I honestly feel like I can take on the whole world afterwards. LOL! I’m slowly but surely starting to see the joy in motherhood and I’m exploring these different things on my own and on my own time.

Lately I’ve been struggling though, with how society looks at me, how my family looks at me and how my friends look at me. Paying attention to others and how they mother I see so many things that are similar and I see many things that are different. It’s such a touchy subject because in reality there’s no written book or manual on how to properly mother a child, everyday you learn something new and you just put your best foot forward.

Now I just would like to know….

Am I a bad mom for wanting to have a life too?

Am I a bad mom for asking someone to hold my child while I go use the restroom?

Am I bad mom for working full time?

Am I a bad mom for wanting a relationship?

Am I bad mom for wanting a break?

Am I a bad mom if I had postpartum depression?

Am I a bad mom for having a night out?

Am I a bad mom for allowing others to help me?

The list can go on forever….. Being a mother in our society today is tough because I feel like people have a certain image on how I should look as a mom, how I should talk, the things I should have, and so on. I’ve come to realize that no matter what you do or even what you don’t do people are always going to have something to say or disagree with and I’m learning how to be 100% okay with that. I spent a lot of my time looking at other moms and I started to think about how I could mold myself to be like them only to find out that made me even more unhappy. I felt pressured in a sense because I saw all of these babies who are younger than my daughter and they’ve seemed to explore the whole world and here I am super happy because I just took my daughter to the park for the first time. I’ve learned not to feel bad or be too hard on myself because I am trying and I am doing the best I can. I’ve had really bad anxiety with leaving the house alone with just her and I but I am over that and it makes me feel so free, sure it may have took me a long time but is there really even a time limit on these things?

Once you become a mother you become this selfless person who gives her ALL to this little human that you brought into this world which is true but that does not mean in no way, shape, or form that you just let go of yourself. In order to take care of our little ones we have to take care of ourselves first and that goes for any relationship you have in your life. People are so quick to judge which sucks but it is reality, if they see that you have a boyfriend they automatically think that he matters more than your child or if you go out that you care about yourself more than your child which is NOT true!!! At the end of each day you know how your priorities are set up and you also handle business to follow that. I’ve learned to block those kind of people out because there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving and enjoying yourself still. It is very possible to do things for yourself but also still put your child first, it’s all about finding that balance which is the tricky part because some days things seem to fit well and other days it all falls apart. (trial and error)

People tried to make me feel less of a person just because I’m a mom and that’s just bullshit! I just want to say this…. as a mom you are still deserving of everything good in life and you are still able to do whatever you put your mind to plus MORE. I do just as much as a person without a child so I will never understand why people would have the audacity to say that.

As a young mother I’ve learned that it is truly the most attractive thing about me, I am who I am today because I became a MOM – I am this strong, genuine, unbreakable, caring and loving individual.

Take care of YOU.

 

Love always,

T.

 

 

 

I WANT MORE !!!!

Ever just want more in life? I want more in every aspect possible. I never get comfortable for too long with anything in my life, I believe that growing should always be the goal – from relationships, school, work, motherhood, and so on I want it all to prosper and GROW because those are things that I don’t ever want to die.

I tend to see a lot of people get comfortable with their everyday routine which is completely fine, not saying that there’s anything wrong with that at all. When things start to get repetitive for me I have to switch things up or else I’ll lose my mind, it can be something as small as reading a new book each day or working out but whatever it is, it has to be a change that will help me grow if you’re following my drift? I feel like I’ve been in that “comfortable” stage all of my life and I’m really trying not to go back to that. For so long I’ve always been okay with just having a job to get me through (pay my bills), go to school just to get my AA, get in a relationship just for the physical part of it or to feel loved, and I can go on and on. As I got older I’ve learned more about myself and also about my own life, I try to do things with a purpose behind everything I do and not just to do it because I feel like I should or because I feel the pressure from society.

Everyday I wake up with thoughts of a better life but I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with the life I live now but I always think about where I eventually want to be years later and what I can do to help my journey to get there. For example, I know for a fact that I have to be well off financially not saying rich or nothing but I have to know how to manage my money the right way.  I’m not terrible when it comes to my finances but I can be better so I am working towards that; I’ve realized that having a planner and writing everything down from bills and other expenses down helps me remember and also gives me something to look back on just incase I need to. It’s all about figuring out what works for you even if it’s something little. 

I’m the kind of person that just has a very deep thought for everything in life and I can’t seem to shut it off. I am 21 years old but I feel as if I spent so much of my time settling in life and I can’t do that anymore because the clock will continue to run and it’s not stopping for me or none of you. If you can even think about it/dream it then you can do it, with God anything is possible and I truly do believe that. I am going to get EVERYTHING that I can out of this life and I am going to pave the way for my daughter because she deserves nothing but the best. How? I am going to let God work through me and guide me in the direction he wants me to go. I know very well that I may fail, I may stumble, and I may get lost but I will always get myself back on track to get the job done. 

Go out and GET IT!!!!

“If you don’t jump, you will never soar.”

 

With Love,

T. 

 

 

How my daughter saved me

My daughter is my saving grace and my main source of happiness because of her I am able to experience REAL, TRUE, AND GENUINE LOVE! 

Often times I reflect back on my life and I always wonder how my life would be if I didn’t have her and I can’t seem to find a good answer or even a good thought when it comes to that. Although it took me a long time to realize the good out of such a fast, scary, and unplanned situation I finally see the light in everything. Before when I first found out I had PPD I struggled so badly with having good thoughts when it came to my daughter, I had too many moments where I was dwelling on all of the bad and all I could think about was my old life, wanting that life back so badly. At one point I was drowning so badly that I couldn’t even look at my own daughter and be happy because I was that blind, my mind was so far gone at that point.  It took a lot to drag me out of that deep hole but with A LOT of prayer, guidance, and support from my family and friends I started to find my balance little by little. People say “if you change your way of thinking, it can change your life” which is such a true statement because that was exactly what happened with me, it had to happen but I will say this…. It wasn’t easy at all. 

Being a mom is the most attractive thing about me, I’m raising my child the best way I know how, I have a great job that I can honestly make a career out of, I am in school, I am a woman of God and have strong faith. If you ask me I’ve been holding it together pretty damn well!! It’s about time I acknowledge that myself and not let these negative people take that away from me. My daughter fulfills my life and she put so much together for me and I don’t think anybody will truly understand that. 

Sure I am a single mom and this is not the most ideal situation as people would say but what is an ideal situation? This will be different for everybody but I am still trying to figure that out and that’s okay. If it wasn’t for her I would still be out every single night drunk at every club downtown, having a job just to have one, walking around here with NO type of purpose. Once I found out I was pregnant my whole entire mindset changed for the better and I can’t thank God enough for trusting me with Avianna because she is a true gift from up above. My daughter gave me drive and she gave me purpose in this life, she also filled this void that I had in my  life and gave me this CRAZY motivation to do better in life. I became a very different person but at the same stayed the same, when I say different I mean in a good way, it was honestly almost like magic how things dramatically changed with me – I became better at decision making, I became much more responsible, I found it within myself to go back to school, I started to manage my finances better, and I started giving people/things in my life an expiration date which was something I struggled with very badly before because I just didn’t know how or I didn’t see a reason to. She pushed me to cut those toxic people out of my life because I didn’t want that for her and I didn’t want to be that settling example for her. It’s almost like she forces me to be happy, give off good energy, and spread love because that’s honestly what life is about.. it’s the cycle of life.

Before Avianna I was honestly so lost and I can’t say that enough, she forced me to grow up and be who I am today. I’ve never been so proud of myself, looking back on my life and seeing how far I came but to look forward is the more exciting part of it all. Being a mom isn’t easy period, it’s an everyday challenge and there’s no manual that I can go to for instructions or guidance on how to mother my child.

Avianna is my biggest blessing and my biggest accomplishment, I will allow her to always be my light. 

Love,

A single mother 

Life Reminders….

Life is beautiful, Life is complicated, Life is up and it’s down but ultimately Life is what you make it. Life is something that we have no control over, often times if you’re anything like me you’re jus taking things one day at a time because that’s the only way you know how to handle it. 

When bad things happen in our life we tend to forget every single thing that’s good in our life and I will speak for myself on this one because I do this very often. As I got older I found new ways to deal with the hard times that life brings and I’m still learning, I believe that it’s truly a trial and error process. Once something bad happens in your life you tend to think that it can’t or won’t get better, there’s NO looking at the brighter side or a good outcome because you are so stuck in that bad moment but those hard times and how you deal with them, how you figure things out and come out on top and not defeated is what’s going to help you grow. This is something that people struggle with on a day to day basis including myself because it is hard, see my thing is when a bad situation comes about I tend to freeze right in that moment and then my mind starts to race and I automatically TRY to control the whole entire situation and outcome when I have no control what so ever. I also tend to think of everything bad in my life, I let these negative thoughts overflow my mind and I start to sink and drown in those thoughts but as I stated earlier, once I got older I found ways to cope and deal with these bad situations that life puts you in or bad situations I sometimes put myself in. Such a trial and error process because the first idea or the second or third won’t always work but keep trying to figure it out.

Here are some ways that are helpful to me, I call them Life Reminders and I’m pretty much giving myself reassurance…

  • I write things down because sometimes my mind just becomes a bit much for me so I write or I type a note in my phone. 
  • I tell myself over and over again that this too shall pass and I will be okay ( to a point where I believe just that)
  • I talk to my mom because she is my outlet 
  • I have specific bookmarks in my bible that I will turn to and read 
  • I will PRAY and talk to God *** (helps me the absolute most) 
  • Breathing 

Those are just some things that I do to help me cope with those sudden bad/down times. I just want you all to remember that God is intentional and he makes NO mistakes no matter how bad the situation is, it’s in his will and apart of his plan for you. I have to reassure myself constantly that whatever is going on in my life I know God has a purpose for it, although none of it makes sense right now I have to know that it is in his hands and he will not fail me. God will make a way out of no way, so when you think you’re down and out with nothing left, with God you have everything and he will make it all possible when you thought getting out of a bad situation was impossible. You have to give thanks to him for the things that he has already done, the blessings he brought into your life, and the situations he led you out of. In bad situations and even the good ones pay attention to those signs that God gives you.

GOD IS INTENTIONAL

HE MAKES NO MISTAKES

YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND NOW BUT SOON YOU WILL

!!!!!!!!

Gods time.jpg

I encourage you all not to give up on God.

 

With Love,

T. 

I’m baccckkkkkkkkk

Omg! Hi Guys! It’s been awhile.. a pretty long while actually. I promise that won’t happen again but LIFE got to me and it’s honestly been crazy. The only thing in life that is constant is change which is so true because nothing that I do in my life stays the same, I almost feel as if it’s impossible for me to keep up with a steady routine.

SO WHERE HAVE I BEEN????

Nowhere exciting! LOL I’ve been at work and at home on Mommy Duty, also still in school but I’ve cut down to part time because the load is lighter which works better for my life at this time. I’ve switched job positions which required me to switch hours to second shift and I’m honesty STILL trying to adjust, some days I feel as if it works great and others I’m screaming on the inside wishing I worked my old hours (8-4:30) like a normal person. I got really busy with everyday life and I’m also trying to get skinny/lose this baby weight which is the ultimate challenge that I’m still trying to get down. Eating healthy is a huge huge challenge for me and I can’t stress that enough,  on another note I’m trying to create structure around my crazy/inconsistent schedule is also another challenge itself. I’m also in the middle of trying to figure out exactly what I want to do in life, I’ve been having a lot of those thoughts lately but don’t get me wrong because I love my job but I know I’m destined for MORE.

I  have some new ideas for my blog that I can’t wait to start putting up… let’s just say I’m investing in a camera!!!! 🙂

So now that we are all caught up let’s get to the REAL GOOD stuff. Even though I haven’t been blogging much I’ve always kept a list in my phone or in my journal of things that I want to blog about. So here’s what you can look forward to:

(Keep in mind that the title may change but these are just things that I will touch base on/talk about at some point in the next upcoming blogs)

– WORKING AT A HOSPITAL

– CAREER/MAJOR CHANGE

– WANTING MORE IN LIFE

– DATING AS A SINGLE MOM/LONG DISTANCE/LOVE LIFE?

– ENDING AN IMPORTANT CHAPTER IN MY LIFE

– NEW BEGINNINGS ARE POSSIBLE

– MOTHERHOOD

– Q&A

…. AND MUCH MORE 🙂

peace and love,

Tarin

 

Trying to find that balance

Often times do you feel overwhelmed? I do! I actually say to myself and to others that my life is in shambles, it’s like second nature but I’m actually being serious about that.

So if you read my other blogs you would know that I am a full time mother, a full time employee, and a full time student – it is honestly soooooooooooooo HARD! Sometimes I want to cry because there’s just not enough time in a day for everything. When I have to work a whole shift, have a lot of homework to do, and Avianna is in need of all of my attention it’s so tough and I know that not everything will get done which sucks. You have to be an expert with time and I’m going to be completely honest…. I suck with time and managing it but just like everybody else I have good days and bad days.

When I seek advice on how I can do better in all three areas everybody tells me to set some kind of schedule and I truly am in the process of trying but my work schedule is all types of crazy and it’s hard to create structure around that but I still manage some how some way. Sometimes I wish I had more time to focus on school and more time to be at home with my baby girl but another part of me is telling me to work hard and bust my ass so I can pave the way for my daughter.

So how do you really find balance? You know…. I don’t really have an answer to that. It really depends on what you define as “balance” because even thought my life is in shambles like I always say I still feel like for majority of the time I have a good balance in my life. There’s also not one specific thing or routine that works for me, it’s always different every single day I just wing it literally! It really comes down to what works for you and what doesn’t work you, but also to not let other people get to you by what they’re doing and the pace they’re going – that was my biggest mistake, I paid a lot of attention to this one particular mom and I admired her; it seemed like she had the calmest baby ever who always played with her when it was time to play and slept when it was bed time but she also had her baby on a very strict schedule/routine and I was so jealous. She also snapped back very fast and lost all of her baby weight and I’m just like HOW????? How the heck does she do it? She’s like super mom! I had to take a step back and realize some things such as she was a stay at home mom so of course she dedicates her time and energy into training sleeping patterns and good habits as she has the time to, she’s also married and has a fully committed partner to help her out while she goes and meet with her trainer. I had to stop beating myself up about certain things and really accept that this is my life and I have to love it! It’s constant, it’s busy, it’s crazy, it’s inconsistent, it’s up and it’s down but I still love it and I am still very proud of myself – proud of what I do.

So honestly, there is no true balance for me, one thing that does really help me get through my day is writing things down or putting little alarms on my phone. I sometimes even use sticky notes and stick them on the back of my phone to remember certain things, it works for me so figure out what works for you. It’s always a great thing to look up to people, give other compliments, or even admire somebody BUT you can’t get caught up in their life and their path because you’re on your own. 🙂

I used to question everything I was doing because I didn’t think doing any of this was possible. It’s hard to make time for everything but that’s when my faith kicks in, I have to believe in God and truly believe that all things are possible, but most importantly I had to believe in myself and program in my mind that I can do it…. I can do it ALL!!! Everything takes time but do what works for you and don’t ever give up because there’s always a way. I say this saying soooooo much on my Twitter and even to others but it’s so true “If you change your mindset it can and WILL change your life”.

With love,

T.